Watch this when
The secret to desire in a long-term relationship | Esther Perel | TED
You want your partner to be your safe place and your adventure. That tension isn't a flaw in your relationship. It's the whole puzzle. 🔥
Who it's for
Couples who lose desire often read it as a verdict: we've fallen out of love, or something is wrong with me.
Confused→Clear-Headed
Feelings it meets
What it is
In this TED talk, recorded at TEDSalon NY2013, couples therapist Esther Perel looks at why desire is hard to sustain in committed relationships. She describes it as a tension between two opposing needs, our need for security and our need for surprise, and points out that couples now often expect one partner to be both best friend and passionate lover.
Where to find it
YouTube, official TED channel (free). Transcript on TED.com.
Before you start
Heads up: Frank but non-explicit talk of sex.
Age: Ages 16+
In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Chapter XXXIV
